Well that can only be described as a muscle splitting, bone crunching, emotion chewing experience. I loved it and I needed it! I know tomorrow I am going to be sore, I know I am going to feel pain, the kind of pain that I love. Knowing that this kind of pain brings improvement, my arms are shaking as I write this, trying to recover from the workout that I have just been through. There's just something special to me about the gym as I start working out, grabbing the iron bar and pushing through my routine, I start to think and work through the problems that I am having until I have burned myself out and am running on nothing but pure emotion, leaving nothing but truth at the end.
The Truth I discovered tonight is. This needs to happen, this break may even be forever. All I can do is my best and hold my head up with pride and dignity and hope that she sees that guy she once cared for and thought the world of so long ago before things turned South, where my insecurities began to show leading to selfish irrational actions of despair. That is not the guy who I am, that is not the guy who I am going to be again. That's someone that I have never been before and I will never be again.
On another note regarding quitting smoking, after my last post I discovered that one side of my family is currently riddled with breast cancer both male and female, a scary thought and one more reason to get rid of those things once and for all. I know I can do it, I've done it before. The way I see this is every time I quit I get better at quitting. This time is going to be forever.
I've got my first therapy session tomorrow. I am not sure what to expect, I am a little scared and nervous about it. But alas I know this needs to happen. It's time to toughen up and do what needs to be done.
Wish me luck!!
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