Selfish

Am I selfish?

This question has been on my mind for a while. And it's something that has been told to me in the past.  I asked a friend today and her answer was "I think everyone can be if they're with the wrong person, and sometimes with the right person, it's something that we all need to work on".

I think I can be a real selfish person at times, but at the same time giving. I guess I just hate giving when it's unappreciated and expected. I like to give from my heart as a sign of love and appreciation. To show someone that I care and want them to be happy. But what happens when you give and get nothing back, no thank you no appreciation?  Does that mean the recipient is selfish?

So often I give and do not expect anything back. But what happens when the recipient just keeps on taking and taking, no thank you, just give me, give me, give me.

I know the reason that I have set out to be better. But do I really want this person back in my life?
Someone who takes and gives very little back, at times emotionless, but then can so kind, caring and loving at other times. She's a double edged sword, champagne and razor blades.

I know I care about her and I know I want her in my life in one way or another. But at the same time I don't want to go back to the way things were before it ended. I guess I want things to be like they were when we first started, or even just to keep in touch once in a while and let each other live our lives and maybe just one day maybe in the future when all's settled down and we can appreciate each other look at the possibility of something more.

In the last few days I have came so far and I still have so far to go, every day bringing a new truth about myself and a new question about what I really want.

I guess I've still got a few weeks to go and so much more to learn about in my journey.